morethanx

I am tired and it is late, so this post may be less than eloquent in places.

I have no idea what my gender identity is. Before I started learning more about non-binary genders, if someone asked me if I was boy or girl I would say girl. Not because that's what I felt like inside, but because I had 'girl parts'. I don't have any body dysphoria (which I am grateful for), I don't mind if people refer to me as female or use female pronouns. I present (in summer at least) as a not particularly feminine female - no make up, hair tied back (long because I just haven't bothered to get it cut for a few years), trousers all year round and a patterned top.

Thing is, I don't feel particularly like a girl. What does feeling like a girl feel like anyway? In winter I dress more like you'd expect a male to - guy hoodies and jeans, but that's mainly motivated by the fact that hoodies are warm and comfy and I like them (for more casual settings anyway.) Being in a dress or something more 'girly' makes me feel very uncomfortable - it just isn't me. I don't think I'd care if someone referred to me with male or gender neutral pronouns (except zer - it makes me think of someone saying 'their'in a dodgy non specific European accent), but it's never happened so I can't know for sure. I've never really thought about gender before - I've just felt like me, rather than 'I am me and I am female'. Is it relevant that I don't like being called a woman (I prefer female or girl).

So all in all, I have no idea if I'm cis and just not particularly girly, or I'm actually closer to agender. Can you be in between the two? Can anyone help me figure this out? What's it like to feel like a girl, boy, or neither? I don't know if a part of it is being ace (and thus not thinking of myself in a look-pretty-to-attract-someone way), or something else.

There was an excellent post on Tumblr on the difficulties that can be faced in sexual/asexual (queer)platonic relationships, and the mismatch in importance that can arise and how it can end badly (I'm sure I'm not the only ace to have been left broken hearted after their zucchini got a romantic/sexual relationship and abandoned the friendship, leaving all the plans for the future to scatter in the winds). However, some people took it differently (incidentally prompting a follow up post from the author). One in particular caught my eye:

"as an aside, I really fucking hate being referred to as a “sexual” person in this context

call yourself whatever the fuck you want, but I never consented to this label and I find it personally gross"

I was a little curious about this, so I decided to ask what about the term 'sexual' they objected to.

morethanx asked:
You said you don't like being referred to as 'sexual' (it was on a post about mixed relationships between asexuals and non-asexuals). What would you prefer to be called?

They answered: Something that doesn’t make assumptions about my sex life because I have had sex? I don’t have a good experience with mentioning my history with sexual assault in public fora (not surprisingly, I’m guessing few women do) but I have good personal reasons to resent being referred to as “sexual.”

I don’t know what I’d rather be called. I haven’t thought about it further than “I don’t like this term and I’d rather ridiculous asexual oppression posts not show up on my dash at all” tbh.

Anyone else getting the feeling they don't understand what the word 'sexual' in this context means? Not to mention the 'the nasty asexuals are oppressing me with their feelings and talking about difficulties they face' crap. And there's something that's bothering me about the 'I didn't consent to this label' that bothers me, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is. Maybe they don't like that they aren't the ones applying the term to themselves.

Gah, sometimes it feels like shovelling snow while it's still snowing.

This Dreamwidth malarkey is weird. Excuse me while I flail about.